Yes. Pastor Chris taught from Romans 14:1-4 that unity doesn't require agreement. We can disagree without drifting apart when we accept one another the way God has accepted us, hold our gray-area convictions with thanks, and refuse to treat each other with contempt or judgment. Faith in Jesus is the one thing we must share.
Why do disagreements make us drift apart?
Pastor Chris was one of the last two kids standing in a first grade spelling bee. His word was orange. He spelled it out, and his teacher said no. He spelled it again, and she said no again. Then she turned to the other finalist and asked if he'd spelled it right. The boy said no ma'am, spelled it himself, and walked away with the title and the candy.
Pastor Chris says he got over that pretty quickly. What he didn't get over was fourth grade. When the 1980 election came around, that same classmate said he'd move to Canada if one candidate won. Pastor Chris pushed back, and after that the two weren't even friendly. In his words, "We disagreed and drifted apart."
Grown-ups do the same thing, he said, and we're not as good at getting over it as kids are. Online we block, unfollow, and unsubscribe. In real life it's neighbors we no longer speak to, coworkers we walk around the building to avoid, and family members we work not to sit beside over the holidays. Pastor Chris said disagreement leads to separation, and the sad byproduct is division. He added that it's happening in our homes and even in the church, which is why it deserves our attention.
Can we disagree without drifting apart?
Pastor Chris says yes. He took us to the upper room, the night before the cross, where Jesus told his disciples that people would know they were his if they loved each other. Then Jesus prayed that they'd be unified, sharing the kind of unity he has with the Father. Pastor Chris said the church can't fulfill its mission without love and unity.
So here's the question he put to us. If disagreement creates division, do we need agreement to be unified? His answer was no. We aren't going to agree on everything. He shared research that 69% of disagreements in a marriage can't be resolved, so agreement can't be the fix. He put it this way: agreement is about uniformity, not unity.
Uniformity is everyone looking, thinking, and acting alike. Pastor Chris pointed out that Jesus never talked about uniformity. He said it's our ability to get along in the presence of disagreement that gives our message credibility and makes our community compelling. Anybody can divide over disagreements. Even fourth graders can pull that off. The harder thing is staying together.
What does Romans 14:1-4 say about people we disagree with?
Paul was writing to a church in Rome that Pastor Chris described as a melting pot of Jews and Gentiles who, truth be told, hated each other. In effect, the passage tells them to accept the person without quarreling over disputable matters (Romans 14:1-4). Notice what Paul didn't say. He didn't tell them to lock themselves in a room until they agreed.
Pastor Chris said accept doesn't mean what we usually mean by it. We tend to picture eye-rolling reluctance, putting up with something because we're tired of dealing with it. The word Paul used is connected to the Greek word for hospitality, where people came over and ate together, a declaration of complete acceptance. We're called to open our arms wide to the believers we disagree with.
Their disputes were real. One was food. Most meat in Rome had been offered to idols, which many Jews couldn't stomach, while many Gentiles figured the idols weren't real anyway. The other was which day to worship, the Saturday Sabbath or Sunday. Pastor Chris noted that Paul never takes a side. Each person should hold their convictions and give thanks to God for them. Bacon or broccoli, thank God for it.
What are the gray areas we divide over today?
Pastor Chris was clear that some things aren't disputable, and the gospel is one of them. But most of what divides us isn't that. He sorted our gray areas into three buckets.
Opinion is what we feel strongly enough about to treat as the line between real Christians and those other people. He listed Halloween, political involvement, yoga, rated R movies, alcohol, and tattoos. Some of us would be appalled at a tattooed Christian doing yoga, watching an R-rated movie, and eating Halloween candy. Others wonder what the fuss is about.
Preference comes from how we were raised or where we were when we came to Christ. It's how we dress for church, the music we play, the Bible version we use, and whether we have altar calls. Lots of good stuff to disagree about, he said, but nothing to divide over.
Interpretation comes from the different ways we read Scripture. Free will or predestination. The timing of events at the end of the age. Whether creation took seven literal days. Pastor Chris said you can find a verse to support each of these beliefs, and none of them is where we draw the line. His counsel on all three was simple: don't let it become one.
How do I know if I've crossed the line with someone?
Pastor Chris said we cross it when we treat people who disagree with us with contempt or judgment. In effect, the passage says not to treat them with contempt or judge them, because God has accepted them (Romans 14:3-4). If God has accepted them, who are we to reject them?
Contempt means looking down on someone. Pastor Chris said it assumes the worst and assigns the darkest motives. When we make a mistake, we know it was an accident or we were in a hurry. When someone else disagrees with us, we decide their choice is who they are. He noted that many marriage counselors say that once a husband and wife reach contempt, there's almost no hope of restoration. Judgment, he said, is playing God. The passage asks who we are to judge someone else's servant, and Pastor Chris reminded us that's God's job.
One thing is not up for debate, and he closed there. We're all sinners, separated from God. God sent his Son Jesus to live the perfect life we couldn't and to die on the cross for our sin. Faith in Jesus is the one thing we must believe.
Here's an invitation for your week. Think of one person you've drifted from over a gray area. Ask yourself honestly whether contempt or judgment crept in. Then offer the kind of acceptance Paul had in mind: invite them to your table for a meal.
Key takeaways
- Agreement is about uniformity, not unity, and Jesus never asked for uniformity.
- Romans 14:1-4 tells us to accept the person, not just put up with them.
- Gray areas fall into opinion, preference, and interpretation, and none is worth dividing over.
- Contempt and judgment mean we've crossed the line, because God has accepted the people we disagree with.
- Faith in Jesus is the one thing we must believe.
Scripture in this message
- Romans 14:1-4 (NIV)
Frequently asked questions
Do we have to agree to have unity in the church?
No. Pastor Chris said agreement is about uniformity, not unity. He shared research that 69% of disagreements in a marriage can't be resolved. Jesus spoke of love and unity, never uniformity. Our ability to get along while we disagree is what gives our message credibility.
What does accept one another mean in Romans 14?
Pastor Chris said the word Paul used is connected to the Greek word for hospitality. People came over and ate together, a declaration of complete acceptance. It isn't eye-rolling tolerance. It means warmly welcoming believers we disagree with, accepting the person even when we don't accept their perspective.
What are disputable matters in the church?
Pastor Chris called them gray areas, places where the Bible doesn't speak directly. He sorted ours into opinion, preference, and interpretation, such as Halloween, music style, or how to read the days of creation. None of them, he said, is a place to draw a line and divide.
How do I know if I've crossed the line with someone who disagrees with me?
Pastor Chris said we've crossed it when we treat people who disagree with us with contempt or judgment. Contempt looks down on someone and assumes the worst about their motives. Judgment plays God. The passage reminds us that God has accepted them, so we should too.
What is the one thing Christians must believe?
Pastor Chris closed with the gospel. We're all sinners separated from God, and God sent his Son Jesus to live a perfect life and die on the cross for our sin. Faith in Jesus is the one thing we must believe, and it's the starting point.